Ranking — Every "Child's Play" Film Series Kill
Over the course of my horror-loving life, I’ve marathoned the major franchises on several occasions. I’m pretty sure every summer of my teenage years involved watching each Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Halloween entry in order. I’d go through the Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Hellraiser, and Child’s Play movies too, but there were fewer of them then, and at the time I didn’t see those series as being of the same caliber overall. Oh the naïveté of youth!
Look, Chucky and the Child’s Play films rule. I know this now that I’m an out homosexual. I had always enjoyed them, but when I re-binged them a few years ago after Cult of Chucky was released, I saw them with new gay eyes. Thanks to Don Mancini, who wrote or co-wrote every installment—and even directed the latter three—the Child’s Play franchise is perhaps the most narratively consistent horror series, while also reinventing itself as often as Madonna. And it’s queer as fuck!
So when Robert Yaniz Jr. invited me onto the “Franchise Detours” podcast to record an episode on the unjustly maligned Child’s Play 3, I felt compelled to watch them all over again. And to make the most it, I decided to rank every kill, disregarding the non-canonical reboot. Using my own mental rubric, I weighed the homicidal creativity, memorability, narrative importance, gore level, and on-screen vs. off-screen nature of every victim’s death.
Beware—spoilers ahead (duh):
60.) Alice Pierce (post-Curse of Chucky / pre-Cult of Chucky)
Alice, sweet Alice… I wish I could rank this death higher, since Alice Pierce is an established character who survived the previous installment. But because her death occurs between films—and we don’t see what happened or even the aftermath—it means she’s gotta be last. We learn that Tiffany took her in as a foster after the events of Curse of Chucky, and Chucky used that opportunity to put a part of his soul in her body (effectively killing her). Then the Charles Lee Ray-possessed Alice went around murdering people, until their last victim fought back, but it’s all off-screen… We do get a glimpse of her in Cult of Chucky, though, when Dr. Foley puts her aunt Nica in a drug-induced hypnotic state, as a nice little farewell touch.
59.) Carnival Security Guard (Child’s Play 3)
This off-screen kill leads us into the film’s climax, set in one of the coolest and code violating-est carnival haunted house rides in film history! It’s okay that we only see the aftermath of this anonymous rent-a-cop’s unseen bullet to the head—as an aperitif to the movie’s conclusion—but because it happens between scenes, it’s gotta be toward the bottom. Also because #ACAB, even the wannabe ones.
56., 57. & 58.) Three Anonymous Men (Seed of Chucky)
There is a lot going on in Seed of Chucky, one of the more slandered entries in this series. It’s not a bad movie, it’s merely misunderstood—mostly by straights. Seriously, if you want a newfound appreciation for Seed of Chucky seek out reviews written by queer critics… In this film, Tiffany has decided that she and Chucky need to stop killing in order to set a good example for their child. But Chucky reveals toward the end that going cold turkey does not work for him. Unfortunately, this trio of corpses is the result of an off-screen killing spree, so these fellas have gotta rank pretty low.
55.) Gravedigger (Bride of Chucky)
This kill is not much better than any of the off-screen ones—and we never see his face or learn his name—but at least we see a living human fall down and die? He’s digging up the grave of Charles Lee Ray because the Medical Examiners Office is having it exhumed, and Chucky shows up just as he’s reached the casket and shoots him in the back. It’s an unimpressive kill, but a clever way for Don Mancini to avoid having the characters do the digging. Bonus points for that, even if it does look like a 2nd Unit pick-up shot.
53. & 54.) Elderly RV Couple (Bride of Chucky)
Yet another lousy off-screen kill—but at least this tableau is a double! Chucky and Tiffany have RV-jacked them and put their corpses in a closet—revealed when Tiffany opens the door, giving us a look at the borderline comical expressions on their dead old faces. It makes you go “awww” a little bit right before you suppress a chuckle.
52.) Alice’s Grandmother (Curse of Chucky)
Functioning as more of a last-second jump scare than a full-fledge kill, this is the image we’re left with before the credits begin to roll. Alice, having survived the events of the film, now lives with her grandmother. She arrives home one day to see an open package on the table. Lo and behold, it’s Chucky, who she still doesn’t realize is evil. Alice asks Chucky where grandma is, and well…
51.) Nurse Ashley (Cult of Chucky)
Nurse Ashley doesn’t have a whole lot of personality. She sort of blends into the monochromatic aesthetic of the asylum in just about every respect. So seeing her dead white uniform-clad body lying in a puddle of deep red blood with a long Slumber Party Massacre-like power drill sticking straight up from her gut offers quite the image. But, once again, since the kill happens off-screen (by the possessed Multiple Malcolm), this one has points against it.
50.) Angela (Cult of Chucky)
The actress playing Angela (whom sources tell me is not Elizabeth Olsen sent back from the future) lends an impressive amount of depth and emotion to the character in the brief time she’s on-screen, which makes the fact that her murder happens off-screen so unfortunate in terms of her ranking. She’s a schizophrenic woman with a sad past whose kill is used as a means of pushing Nica ever closer to the brink. Narratively, I get why we don’t see it—because the story is told from Nica’s point of view and we are meant to discover the tragic news with her—yet I’m still a smidge sour about it… This kill gets bonus points for the message written in blood that accompanies it, though.
49.) Joanne Simpson (Child’s Play 2)
The murder itself occurs off-screen, so that automatically gets negative points from me (as you are well aware of by now if you’re actually reading these rationales and not just scrolling through the photos or flying immediately to the top ten). But, unlike other off-screen kills in this franchise, Joanne is an established character, so it hits a little harder, and the lead-up to the reveal of her death is fairly well done. Of the deaths I’ve “disqualified” up to this point, I’m willing to give Joanne’s off-screen kill the most slack because it’s the first one of its sort in the franchise and the discovery of the body serves as an important turning point for Kyle’s arc in the film. So narratively it works as it is.
48.) “Britney Spears” (Seed of Chucky)
I’m not gonna lie. I kind of hate this, especially right now. The murder of Britney Spears was a big part of this film’s promo—it’s practically all anyone at my school talked about leading up to the release. So, in a way, it was smart advertising. But at what cost? In the mid-2000s, Britney was one of those pop icons whom so many folks were eagerly waiting to watch, ahem, crash and burn. Morbid conversations about the next celebrity to join The 27 Club often featured her, sometimes optimistically. Many people will defend this as simply dark comedy commenting on the current state of TMZ culture or whatever (and I’m sure that was the intent), but its impact plays too mean-spirited for me… And to a certain extent it’s shit like this that led to the tasteless “See Paris Hilton Die!” marketing for House of Wax just one year later. That’s why this will always be my personal least favorite on-screen kill.
47.) Jennifer Tilly (Seed of Chucky)
Okay, this is an odd one. Tiffany puts her soul into the body of Jennifer Tilly, the Oscar-nominated actress who voices Tiffany, because Tiffany is a huge of fan of Jennifer Tilly and wants to live as a glamorous movie star like Jennifer Tilly. So… although we don’t exactly see Jennifer Tilly “die,” she is killed in so far as her soul has been evicted from her body to make room for Tiffany’s. Right? Something like that. So now Tiffany looks just like she did at the beginning of Bride of Chucky, back when Jennifer Tilly played the part on-screen before Tiffany’s soul was put into the bride doll body, only now she’s just a few years older—in a different but otherwise identical body. Got it? Good. What a wild film!
46.) Nica Pierce (Cult of Chucky)
Like the (fictional) death of Jennifer Tilly, this one is tough to rank because Nica is technically dead (I think?) by the end of the film, but also maybe not entirely? We’ll see how the upcoming TV series handles it, but as of this moment I’m considering Nica a goner—with an asterisk. Charles Lee Ray forcing a part of his soul into her body basically eradicates her soul, or something. So… perhaps there’s a way for the real Nica to eventually return and reclaim her body somehow, but for the time being—and until more is revealed—she’s on the this long list of fatalities. Also: Fiona Dourif fucking rules in these movies!
45.) Stan (Seed of Chucky)
Jennifer Tilly’s lovesick puppy of a chauffeur sacrifices himself to save the voluptuous woman of his dreams. Chucky throws a knife at Jennifer so Tiffany can’t have her body, but Stan thrusts himself in the path of the flying blade to shield his darling. In the final moments before he dies, Stan confesses his love through a bloody mouth. It’s sweet, but Stan is too tertiary of a character to care all that much, and this is a bit of an accidental kill on Chucky’s part.
44.) Fulvia (Seed of Chucky)
We are introduced to Fulvia during the denouement. It’s been five years since the film’s climax, and Tiffany has been living in Hollywood as Jennifer Tilly, raising the twins with the assistance of her nanny Fulvia. Fulvia adores the angelic Glen, but swears that Glenda is dangerous—a bad seed. She quits the nanny gig on the twins’ birthday, and just as she turns to exit, Tiffany bludgeons Fulvia to death with the inanimate Tiffany doll she used to inhabit, which is just awesome.
43.) Officer Stanton (Curse of Chucky)
At first, it seems like it’s Officer Stanton to the rescue. As Nica is declared legally insane and committed to an asylum, he watches her get carted away with a look of what appears to be empathy, as if he might believe her. But then we see him walking through a parking garage carrying an evidence bag containing Chucky’s body, and he reveals fairly soon after that that he’s actually scummy. In what is a callback kill to #37, Tiffany—now in the human body of Jennifer Tilly—pops out and gives him a slice across the neck. It’s a nice cherry on top of this bloody sundae because up to this point Tiffany had neither been seen nor mentioned. Then bam!
42.) Asylum Security Guard (Cult of Chucky)
For a character whose introduction to the series brought an original flare to a lot of the kills, it’s kinda funny how Tiffany seems to have developed a signature. She sure loves slashing open the throats of pigs with her jagged nail file, and I actually love it! And here we get a cool splatter effect. This murder method has become Tiffany’s “classic” move—as in “a true classic never goes out of style.” Honestly, she could do this in every movie/every episode of the upcoming TV show from now on, and I’d be fine with it.
41.) Claudia’s Father (Seed of Chucky)
The opening of this entry is an homage to one of horror’s most recognizable openings: Halloween. We see through Glen’s eyes as he ascends the stairs only to be picked up by the father of the girl he has been gifted to. Glen stabs him and we plunge with them over a railing to the floor below. Claudia’s father has a lofty air about him, so we’re keen to see him get it. And right before he does, he commits the cardinal sin of this franchise: remarking that a doll is ugly.
40.) Claudia’s Mother (Seed of Chucky)
The visual inspiration of the cold open shifts after the death of Claudia’s father from Halloween to Psycho. (We get it, Don—you like movies!) Glen approaches Claudia’s mother as she showers, which is presumably why she didn’t hear her husband’s murder (the Legally Blonde defense), then Glen pulls back the curtain and leaps into the tub, stabbing away. Like a lot of the kills in this series, she doesn’t exactly die as intended, but it’s still pretty satisfying—even though this whole sequence turns out to just be a dream.
39.) Sarah Pierce (Curse of Chucky)
Okay, at first this one looks like another boring off-screen kill—and in a way it is, at first. This kill’s ranking benefits from watching the entire film. Soon after we’re introduced to Sarah, her daughter Nica discovers her body lying in a rather large puddle of blood. But then in the third act of the film, we get flashbacks that reveal Sarah’s connection to pre-Chucky Charles Lee Ray and a glimpse of her final moments before she ultimately dies. So, with context, this kill is more impactful than it may initially appear.
38.) Officer “Needlenose” Norton (Bride of Chucky)
What a slimeball. And the kind of slimeball who knows he’s a slimeball and enjoys being a slimeball. Norton is a snoopy cockblocker and the patsy of Jade’s Uncle Warren—the type of twerp who you’re eager to see die from the moment his arrogant mug appears on screen. His car going up in flames with him inside it is not exactly super original, but his hideous scream of terror is music to my ears.
37.) Officer Bailey (Bride of Chucky)
Bride of Chucky’s first kill comes courtesy of Tiffany. She has persuaded Officer Bailey to steal Chucky’s body parts from an evidence locker that also contains the masks of Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers, casually. The murder is a simple slashing of his throat, but what makes this one unique is that Tiffany does it with a stylish nail file. It’s pithy, but a great intro to the cold-blooded queen who’s about to upend the franchise for the better. (Plus, there’s a super sneaky verbal callback to this kill in Seed of Chucky.)
36.) Eddie Caputo (Child’s Play)
Eddie had it coming. Charles Lee Ray’s former partner in crime abandoned him as the cops were on zeroing in on them during the chase that opens the series… With this revenge slaying, we see Chucky utilizing his new size to sneak around Eddie’s ramshackle abode, releasing the ignitable gas that will blow up Eddie and his itchy trigger finger. This kill could’ve ranked higher if the dumb bastard had gotten to interact with Chucky before the explosion, given their history.
35.) Harold Aubrey Whitehurst (Child’s Play 3)
This is a sad one. Whitehurst—a tormented other whom we first meet when he falls out of a closet, tied and gagged, because Don Mancini is keen on queer symbolism—sacrifices himself to save his friends. After it has become clear that Chucky swapped the war games paintballs for real ammo, Andy’s nerdy buddy witnesses Chucky toss a live grenade near Andy, De Silva, and the rest. So Whitehurst throws his body onto it to hinder the blast and dies.
34.) David Plummens (Bride of Chucky)
I’m voting for David Plummens because he got hit by that semi. Of all the characters in Bride of Chucky, the one whose hair screams 1998 the most is Jade’s gay best friend David, who tells Uncle Warren (while posing as her date) that he’s planning to major in theatre arts on a figure skating scholarship. Bless him. Chucky and Tiffany don’t directly kill David, but he’s so stupefied by their sentience that he steps onto an active highway and gets totally obliterated by an 18-wheeler. Chunks-o-David all over the road!
33. Cadet Lt. Col. Brett C. Shelton (Child’s Play 3)
I swear, Madison Cawthorn must have watched this movie as a child and thought Shelton was the hero. Shelton emulates everything the North Carolina congressman wants to be: a bully who wields a power he doesn’t deserve to punish those he views as subordinate… When it comes to Shelton’s death, Chucky is not the one who pulls the trigger, but the live ammunition he put in the cadets’ rifles allows Shelton’s fellow soldiers to kill him for real on a fake battlefield, which feels appropriate for such a military stooge who probably beat off to the idea of going out like Willem Dafoe in Platoon anyway.
32.) Jill (Curse of Chucky)
Jill is an interesting character, thanks to the way Don Mancini cleverly reverses some of the nanny tropes we’re accustomed to seeing. One way Jill fits the standard mold of slasher cinema, though, is her taking her clothes off just before she gets offed. At least it’s motivated, I guess. I mean, who does sexy webcam stuff whilst dressed? (I know I don’t.) And her half-naked electrocution is definitely entertaining—the stillness of it all, how her body begins to smoke ever so slightly, and how just one of her eyes bulges and burns.
31.) Joan (Seed of Chucky)
Glenda comes out to play! Poor Joan arrives at Jennifer Tilly’s house with a lot of concern for her client’s wellbeing. Then she walks in on Jennifer and Redman bound and gagged, but before Chucky can stab her, Glenda pops out armed with a candle and a can of hairspray. Glenda set Joan ablaze—permanently “firing” her.
30.) Play Pals Factory Technician #1 (Child’s Play 2)
Caaaaamp! A power surge within the Play Pals plant causes Sith lightning to shoot from a Good Guy’s eyes and zap the technician manually building the doll. The technician goes flying backward, does a whole damn flip, and soars through a pane of glass. The death is punctuated with a close-up of the man’s fried, bloody face. Chef’s kiss!
29.) Det. Preston (Bride of Chucky)
Bride of Chucky’s coda is quite gruesome. Chucky’s dead again, and a charred Tiffany lies dying on the ground. Preston approaches her and receives quite a fright when Tiffany erupts with cries of excruciating pain. Blood gushes from her groin, and the shrieking offspring of Chucky and Tiffany claws its way out of her. It leaps at Preston as the film cuts the black. Some might say we don’t know for sure that the baby kills the detective because we don’t see it, but… c’mon.
28.) “Multiple” Malcolm (Cult of Chucky)
When he’s killed, Malcolm is technically a member of the “cult,” since a part of Charles Lee Ray dwells within a part of Malcolm? Because he has multiple personalities—and Chucky is just the newest one—the voodoo spell wasn’t able fully take him over? I don’t know, I suppose this makes him an unreliable member of the group, so he’s deemed a “poser” right as one of the Chuckys takes the drill Malcolm used to kill Ashley and jams it into the back of his skull and out one of his eye sockets. It’s a gorgeous sight.
27.) Phil Simpson (Child’s Play 2)
Love a callback kill! Earlier in the movie, Phil throws Chucky down the basement stairs because he doesn’t believe Andy’s claim that Chucky is real and dangerous. So later, when Phil interrupts Andy’s fight with Chucky in the basement, Chucky takes the opportunity to send Phil down the steps too. Payback’s a bitch, Phil! As a sidetone: Phil sincerely asking Andy, an eight-year-old in the midwest in 1990, if he likes sushi will never not be funny to me.
26.) “Aunt Maggie” Peterson (Child’s Play)
Chucky’s first kill as a Good Guy! For that alone, Maggie’s death is noteworthy… Director Tom Holland takes his time building up to the moment Chucky’s hammer strikes Maggie in the face, sending her through an unopened sixth floor window and onto the roof of a truck. Of the first film’s four murders, Maggie’s is the only one involving a sympathetic character. Hell of a way to kick things off.
25.) Barb Pierce (Curse of Chucky)
I will never be able to hear someone tell me I have my mother’s eyes the same way ever again… The murder of Nica’s over-bearing, condescending, adulterous elder sister is built up to nicely over the course of the film. Plus, Barb also gets a revealing, prolonged sequence of quietly peeling back the layers of Chucky’s veneer to reveal the old stitched-up visage we all know and love—right before she suddenly takes a knife to the eye socket. But that’s not all. Bonus points are rewarded to this kill because with her last moments Barb tumbles down the stairs and into her screaming younger sister’s arms.
24.) Nurse Carlos (Cult of Chucky)
Carlos’ death is unique within this series because he gets to be killed by multiple Chuckys at the same time! Charles Lee Ray has put his soul into several Good Guy dolls and they team up to stab and drill Nurse Carlos to death. (It’s like that scene in Suddenly, Last Summer but without all the cannibalism.) Considering Carlos is one of the few openly queer human characters in this franchise, I wish we could’ve gotten to know him a little more, but his death is cool nevertheless.
23.) Dr. Philip Ardmore (Child’s Play)
These films provide plenty of characters whom we find ourselves wanting to see Chucky kill—because they’re awful pieces of shit. Ardmore is the first such “victim” we meet in this franchise. He’s a quack psychiatrist who locks the traumatized six-year-old Andy in a cell and exacerbates the poor child’s mental state with his unnecessary treatment. So when Ardmore gets fried with his own electro-shock equipment, it’s quite a satisfying sight.
22.) Tony Gardner (Seed of Chucky)
Real-life SFX artist Tony Gardner plays himself in Seed of Chucky. His “character” is working on a fake Chucky movie called Chucky Goes Psycho, and after a day of technical failure on set he enters his studio to tinker with the Chucky and Tiffany dolls. He doesn’t realize they are now alive and ravenous. They decapitate him together with a wire and cause his neck to ejaculate tons of blood. This kill, Chucky and Tiffany’s first upon resurrection, is essentially an act of sexual release, and it’s beautiful.
21.) Father Frank (Curse of Chucky)
This one is fun for a few reasons. Nica and Alice have made chili for everyone on this eve of Sarah’s funeral. But when the plated food is left unattended in the kitchen for a moment, Chucky sprinkles rat poison on one of the bowls. Then it becomes a guessing game of who got the toxic chili?! Frank, feeling the burn, excuses himself and leaves the house. But we’re not given a melodramatic death by poison—we cut to the site of a horrible car accident, caused by Frank’s disrupted state. We don’t see the crash, but the bloody gag we get when the police try to rescue the Father more than makes up for it.
20.) Garbage Truck Driver (Child’s Play 3)
For some reason, this is the kill from Child’s Play 3 that has stayed with me over the years. I guess the idea of being crushed by a mechanical trash compacter and then pulverized by a spinning cylinder of spikes disturbed me as child… We hear this death more than we see it, but we’re given enough visual cues to imagine this driver’s gnarly end, so it makes sense why it may get seared into one’s mind.
19.) Madeleine (Cult of Chucky)
Oh Madeline… This victim has the distinct honor of being the only person in this series to be deep-throated to death, so to speak. Such a sweet, tragic character Madeline is. Institutionalized after smothering her infant child to death because it wouldn’t stop crying, she develops a maternal fondness for Chucky and even breast-feeds him. Then one day, in a daze, she reenacts the murder and burial of her child, then gets put on suicide watch. Emotionally distraught and desperate to reunite with her baby, Chucky offers her an out. He puts his fingers in her mouth, then plunges his entire arm down her throat. Had it not been for the pathos surrounding this death, a fisting joke would have fit the bill—I admire Don Mancini’s restraint.
18.) Mattson (Child’s Play 2)
Greg Germann has proven to be one of our most reliable players. Everyone has seen him in something. And this early outing of his is fantastic. Mattson is a corporate stooge, the lackey of Play Pals CEO Mr. Sullivan, so of course this anti-corporate series is going to make him suffer. This second kill of the film establishes that Chucky’s tone will be especially sadistic this time around, and it’s a step in the right direction for the franchise.
17.) Ian (Curse of Chucky)
This one’s barbaric. And great. Ian plays the part of the doubter in Curse of Chucky. When presented with all the bloodshed, he refuses to believe Nica’s claims that Chucky is alive and out to kill everyone in the house. He’s so convinced that his sister-in-law is full of shit that he duct tapes her to her own wheelchair and gags her. And by time he sees the evidence and realizes he’s a jackass, it’s too late—Chucky mows him down and hacks off his lower jaw with an axe.
16.) Sgt. Botnick (Child’s Play 3)
It takes a special breed of person to play an eccentric military academy barber so well, and character actor extraordinaire Andrew Robinson brings the fruity sergeant to life perfectly. Robinson, perhaps best known for playing Larry in Hellraiser and Garak on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, radiates a vibe so smarmy that we begin looking forward to his death from his intro. So when he inexplicably decides to cut a doll’s hair and takes a straight razor to the throat, Robinson makes the most of the barber’s bloody demise.
15.) Dr. Foley (Cult of Chucky)
Dr. Foley is, in a sense, a 2.0 version of Dr. Ardmore. Their kills do not mirror each other per se, but we look forward to their deaths all the same, though Foley is given considerably more screen time and demonstrates even more detestable behavior. He’s the chief of the asylum and quickly becomes predatory toward Nica, seeing her disability as a means of preying upon her. So it’s only fitting that Nica be the one to kill him—well, Charles Lee Ray in Nica’s body. In what is perhaps the most violent death in the film, Nica smashes his face into pulp with the wedged high-heel that he scummily slipped onto her foot earlier. Watching this fucker get it feels so right!
14.) Redman (Seed of Chucky)
I’d love to know how this casting choice happened. I mean, I guess there were a few months there where Redman was somewhat relevant… Remember Method & Red? Or How High? I barely do, and only in the abstract. So I suppose I can conceive of how this was came to be. Anyway, Redman as “Redman” is just annoying and callow enough to motivate Tiffany to fall off the wagon and kill again. She slits his stomach open and his intestines spill out. The macabre cherry on top is the steam emanating off them as they adorn the floor of Jennifer Tilly’s dining room.
12. & 13.) Russ and Diane (Bride of Chucky)
In one of Bride of Chucky’s most memorable kills, Tiffany tosses a champagne bottle at a mirrored ceiling above two obnoxious, love-making honeymooners, sending a hail of slivers down upon them and their waterbed—forming a literal bloodbath. Chucky, having witnessed the ultimate aphrodisiac, confesses his love to Tiffany, then they too make love… The icing on this cake, though, is when the motel maid, played by none other than Kathy Najimy, discovers Russ and Diane’s shard-riddled corpses the morning after.
11.) Claire (Cult of Chucky)
Claire’s death is another 2.0 kill, one that harkens back to Russ and Diane’s. Claire, sedated and strapped down to a hospital bed, is decapitated when Chucky shatters the skylight window above her. What’s cool about Claire’s death is she’s given a full arc in the film right before she loses her head. When she’s first introduced, Claire functions as an antagonist—she vocally does not believe Nica and thinks she’s responsible for all that’s going on at the asylum. But when she finally realizes that Chucky is in fact real, the staff think she’s hysterical too and put her in the vulnerable position Chucky takes advantage of. The falling shards are beautifully shot in slow-mo, and the decapitation is complementarily gruesome.
10.) Col. Francis Cochrane (Child’s Play 3)
What’s so great about this kill is the fact that Chucky doesn’t even have to do anything. He jumps out with a knife and this act alone is enough to send the colonel into a fatal cardiac arrest. The man collapses onto a glass-covered military diorama before Chucky can get a single stab in. So when Chucky disappointingly says “Oh you gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me,” we as the audience feel that disappointment too, despite our smirks.
9.) Grace Poole (Child Play 2)
You can tell a lot about a person by where they know Grace Zabriskie from. Ask me in public and I’ll say Twin Peaks. But between you and me, Gentle Reader, the real answer is the American remake of The Grudge… The way Grace Poole dies is not particularly unique; Chucky stabs her a few times. What makes this kill special—aside from Grace Zabriskie in the role—are the moments between the stabbings and her death. She falls face down onto a copy machine and it starts printing out grotesque Louvre-worthy images of her pained visage. A brilliant example of this series’ macabre sense of humor.
8.) Pete Peters (Seed of Chucky)
Oh yas gawd! Of course the best kill in Seed of Chucky goes to the legendary godfather of filth John Waters. Perfectly cast to play a scummy paparazzo, Waters effortlessly embodies the type of wretched fink who gets off on ruining lives. So watching him dissolve becomes a real treat! Glen doesn’t mean to make Pete back into the rack of sulfuric acid jars, causing one to crash onto his head and melt his face. But Chucky thinks he did, so they commemorate the moment with a photo of Glen’s first kill. And, honestly, it’s a touching father-child moment.
7. ) Chief “Uncle Warren” Kincaid (Bride of Chucky)
John Ritter, perhaps best known for being the father of the very hot Jason Ritter, experiences a pretty ghastly death, thanks to Tiffany’s ingenuity and high standards for homicide. The dolls set a trap in Jesse’s van that ends with a storm of nails flying into Warren’s nosy face, creating a bit of a Pinhead homage. But that’s not all! This becomes a prolonged kill because the fucker ain’t dead! He pops up later, shrieking like a banshee, then falls onto his grisly face, forcing the nails to go in deeper. Gorg!
6.) Play Pals Factory Technician #2 (Child’s Play 2)
Is this the only motherfucker working the night shift at this factory?! For real, Andy and Kyle are running around battling Chucky in this fully operational factory and there’s not a soul to be seen, except for this dude. It always sucks when someone just trying to make enough money to get by bites the bullet because corporate is too cheap to actually staff their work floor… I mean, it’s less likely that two doll’s eyes would’ve been forced through Technician #2’s skull if he hadn’t been alone, right? Fuck cheap-ass, money-grubbing Corporate America! Plus, this kill gets bonus points because Chucky uses this guy’s hoisted corpse to strike Kyle Wipeout-style as she runs away—which is just excellent.
5.) Damien Baylock (Bride of Chucky)
Chucky’s first kill after Tiffany resurrects him, with the help of her handy-dandy Voodoo for Dummies book, is probably why I’ve never gotten piercings. The idea that they could be ripped from my flesh after my fiendish lover has shackled me to the bed (a situation I find myself in often) is far too unsavory. Damien, Tiffany’s wannabe killer-boyfriend, is the goth king of rudeness. He insults Chucky’s appearance and then humps the doll’s rear as a joke (unaware that Chucky is indeed alive and getting pissed). And with that, Damien Baylock sealed his unforgettable fate… Rest In Power, Alexis Arquette.
4.) John Bishop (Child’s Play)
A supernatural kill unlike any other in the franchise. Chucky corners the voodoo man who taught him how to transfer his soul into another vessel and demands to know how to put his soul back into a human body. But instead of offering advice, Bishop calls Chucky an “abomination,” prompting the vindictive killer to whip out a voodoo doll of Bishop himself to give Charles Lee Ray’s former mentor a taste of his own medicine.
3.) Tiffany Valentine (Bride of Chucky)
Iconique! Tiffany dies the way I want to: naked, drinking alcohol, and watching a classic horror film. And of course her cinematic masterpiece of choice is Bride of Frankenstein. (Mine would be the Vincent Price version of House on Haunted Hill.) Jennifer Tilly’s Tiffany is precisely the ingredient this feast of a franchise needed at that exact point in its evolution. She brings new layers to the dark comedy and a level-up to the series’ kills. Her “death,” chock-full of electricity and bubbles, is a perfect mix of horror and humor, just like her contributions to these movies.
2.) Miss Kettlewell (Child’s Play 2)
Chucky said Fuck your Sparkle Motion, bitch! But seriously, Beth Grant is a national treasure. She’s renowned for many reasons, and this quintessential franchise kill is toward the top of the list. This kill is so good that it gave us one of the best Chucky gifs, the one of him with the yardstick—which has to be one of the best slasher weapons ever because it’s here that Child’s Play 2 acts out a specific murder-fantasy many of us have had: that mean grade school teacher from our childhood croaking in their own classroom. I wouldn’t be surprised if Miss Kettlewell was a proponent of corporal punishment, so being beating to death with a yardstick seems super apt.
1.) Mr. Sullivan (Child’s Play 3)
Set several years after the events of Child’s Play 2, the third installment begins with the Play Pals Company deciding to resume the production of Good Guy dolls, having recovered from the bad PR caused by the events of the previous film… and the film before that. And of course the first doll manufactured contains the soul of Charles Lee Ray! Chucky, all boxed up, is brought to the product-filled office of Christopher Sullivan, the Play Pals CEO whom we were introduced to at the beginning of the previous film. Then later that night Chucky unboxes himself and murders the greedy bastard with the playthings that made him wealthy. I adore this kill. For a death with such a prolonged buildup, there’s still a fantastic payoff. I love that Child Play 3 allows its cold open to take its time, utilizing nearly every flashy prop in Sullivan’s office—including other Good Guy dolls in a neat foreshadow to Cult of Chucky. But the toy Chucky ultimately settles on to finish him off with is a classic yo-yo, which is a fun way to take him back to his good ole “The Lakeshore Strangler” days. Then on top of it all, what a fabulous example of eating the rich. My proletariat heart sings every time I watch Mr. Sullivan suffocate. So many of the people listed above would still be alive today had it not been for this shithead’s rapacity. So fuck him!
